10 Ways to Improve Your Mate’s Self-Esteem

The intimacy of marriage inevitably shows one a hidden side of your partner – zits and all. Doing something to help and improve each other is a sign of loving concern and commitment.Research shows that people with a positive self-concept are more at peace with themselves and those around them – including their marriage partner.

In social situations, it’s all too easy to tell loving couples from warring ones, based on how they treat each other. Most everyone has been at a party where one half of a couple has taken a public jab at the other. It’s a bad idea to use the cover of an audience to say something you would not say in private. Experts agree that couples who can’t contain their criticisms in public are in serious trouble. And it is lethal to your mate’s self-esteem.

Healthy couples, on the other hand, use every opportunity to boost one another in front of other people and to cast each other in the best light – much as they did in their dating days when they wanted their friends and family to like their new love. These couples increase each other’s self-esteem by being good publicists.

Here are 10 ways to improve your mate’s self-esteem:

  • Accept your mate unconditionally. This is the bedrock that helps people move out of the quicksand of negative emotions.

  • Put the past in perspective. Understanding your partner’s personal history will give both of you the perspective from which to see a hopeful future.

  • Plant positive words in your mate. Showing appreciation of your mate’s fine qualities chips away at negative self-esteem. Affirming words reveal the image of Christ in your spouse.

  • Encourage your mate during difficult times. It is important to go through suffering together. When you express your need for another person, that person feels valued and worthwhile.

  • Give your mate the freedom to fail. If your partner is terrified of failure, self-esteem is sure to be the culprit. Let him or her know that it is okay to be human. It’s okay to make mistakes.

  • Please your mate. Let your mate know he or she is valued by doing the things that please him or her. Help your mate do what is right. Create an environment that enhances spiritual and moral health. Model spiritual sensitivity and affirm your mate’s desire to follow God.

  • Help your mate develop friendships. If your spouse looks only to you for encouragement, he or she may begin to wonder about other people’s evaluations. Encourage friendships outside your marriage, both with couples and individuals.

  • Help your mate keep life manageable. When you are constantly overextended, always reacting to crises, you can’t enjoy peace and contentment. Protect your spouse from hurry-sickness.

  • Help your mate discover a sense of destiny. Discovering a sense of purpose is one of the most important things you can do for your partner.

  • Help your mate develop friendships. If your spouse looks only to you for encouragement, he or she may begin to wonder about other people’s evaluations. Encourage friendships outside your marriage, both with couples and individuals.